March 29

So, naturally, while I understand that it’s a necessary evil, a bra does not necessarily need to itself be evil. For instance, why does it need to clasp in the back or the front? We have elastic, you know, and underwires. It’s not like I can’t pull it over my head first and do it up like a pair of overalls. Those clasps are impossible to reach in the back and way, way too uncomfortable to do up in the front. I realize that might sound like needless complaining to the guys reading this, so allow me to provide a counterpart. Guys, imagine having to squeeze the family jewels tightly together to put on your boxer shorts, and you’ve got a pretty good idea of what a front-clasp bra is like.
But no, instead we have to deal with lacy, frilly, fragile bras that get caught on everything and nothing all at once. Have you ever had to untangle five wet bras from each other? If you just dump them into the dryer, they tumble and become a knotted, useless mass of nylon and elastic. One time I spent half an hour trying to untangle a bra before I realized it was knotted on itself– there was no other bra in the wad. They’re infuriating and irritating. Of course, if they didn’t attract guys when properly applied, I probably would dispense with the accursed things altogether.

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