April 29

Hold on a second. Where’s all this crap going? I mean, ten thousand dollars’ worth of sex toys has to go somewhere, right? If the thief wanted this stuff, why isn’t he just running the penny-decade game and buying it? There has to be some intrinsic value in the stuff, beyond what I can see. But there’s no connection. This is all just random garbage. If there is a connection…
Wait. Work backwards. Of course there’s a connection. All this stuff is linked by one thing and one thing alone: it’s on Bert’s list. Well, all right, it’s all on a common shipper, but I think I can discount that. So either someone has a vendetta against this shipper, or they have a vendetta against Bert.
Well, it’s all so clear now that I think about it. I have a vendetta against Bert, too. Random thief, I totally sympathize with you, but I still have to take you down.
So someone’s out to get Bert. I wonder why. Well, besides the obvious. The problem is, it can’t be anyone on the list; warp-walk units aren’t going to be invented for at least another couple hundred years. And someone in the future would have never known that this was a scam, because from their perspective, it always happened this way, and they had no need to go back and do this to screw with Bert.

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