May 31

There’s a story, of course, that some car thieves in town stole a pretty nice set of wheels, not knowing it belonged to Mister Rogers. They must have taken a look at the registration, or something, because the very next day the car was right back where they left it. A note was attached, reading, “If we’d known whose it was, we never would have taken it.” There’s also the rumor that Mister Rogers is a former Marine sniper, but I don’t see that one being true at all. Can you imagine him picking off people in Daniel Tiger’s voice? I know you can’t.
So Pittsburgh’s native son is a big deal to many of us. But the scariest episode I’ve ever seen of the show has to be the one where he went in for surgery. See, when I was seven, I had to get my tonsils out. The doctors knew that kids would be scared, and so they dug out this moldy old episode of the show to help kids realize that it was going to be okay. The problem was, this was a very old show, and it was obvious. So, while I’m supposed to be seeing Mister Rogers come out of everything okay and being back in action, the only thought running through my mind is “EW EW EW NO NO I DON’T WANNA”.

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